A Diary Entry : June 2021

I need to apologise for how silent & useless I have been at blogging in the last week or so. If I’m honest, the big sad took control of me a little bit & my motivation levels have been null & void.

This did give me an idea though, of a regular blog entry post. I’ve decided that going forward on my blog: once a month I am going to do a ‘diary entry’ themed post. This post will basically just be me writing about the latest goings on in my head or my life: whatever I wanna talk about really. Just as something to get off my chest, express certain thoughts & emotions etc.

I have been having a very big battle in my head about where I am going with my life and how I feel.

I have been trying my best to feel good about myself and optimistic. But of course, current situations as they are have made things slightly harder. The pandemic, other people around me progressing, the usual causes for my self-esteem plummeting a bit.

Comparison can be a bitch.

When everyone around you seems to be having all this awesome stuff happen, it can really make you feel like you’re falling behind on something. Even when you’re not at all.

All of my motivational energy and ambition just seemed to come to a stop recently. I couldn’t control this horrible bitter feeling inside of me. I have debates with myself on a regular basis, am I really passed it? Is everything I want just an ongoing dream that’ll never happen? Am I always going to be this unlucky?

After overcoming a bad case of BPPV, I still found myself watching every one else around me getting lucky or having happy mentalities, reasons to smile. Everyone around me seemed to be getting somewhere except me.

I am sure a lot of people reading this can probably relate or have been in similar scenarios in the past. Where you just feel like everything is falling apart for you. You try to smile and be positive but everything just seems to be making you sad. And you can’t help but feel slightly envious over the fact that others seem to be doing so well.

It then becomes a vicious cycle where you start to feel bad about yourself because you know you should be feeling happy for your friends and congratulating them on their good things but you just feel so damn sorry for yourself.

I was basically wallowing in self pity a fair bit because I only ever seemed to get negative things happen or no progression at all.

But in recent days I suddenly realised that: the only thing causing all these negative things was me.

I’ve started reading about the law of attraction a lot. And honestly, it makes so much fucking sense. Here I was spending years and years of my life cursing myself for being ‘the unlucky one’ and realistically, I’m bringing it all on my own damn self.

I was not getting the happiness I wanted because I didn’t think I deserved it and therefore kept allowing this negative ‘it’ll go wrong anyway’ mentality to wash over me. Then surprise surprise, it doesn’t work out.

I’ve been reading ‘The Last Law Of Attraction Book You’ll Ever Need To Read’ and there are so many things in there that really made me sit back and think wow, my doubts and negative energy have really played a part in how my life is turning out for me.

Although it isn’t over yet, June has been a very interesting month for me in the concept of my mindset. I’ve gone from having emotional meltdowns over how much everything sucks, to extreme ADHD hyper outbursts, to sitting back and logically looking at how I can make things better.

So my mission now is to keep practicing out the positive manifestations. Try and allow myself to attract more positive occurrences my way and stop focusing on the bad.

It’s a work in progress. For all we know, my July 2021 diary entry could be showered with amazing positivity, or it could be a repeat of the above. But I am really, really looking forward to progressing and making my life better.

It all starts with feeling confident and pretty in myself:

4 comments

  1. I enjoy your blog posts because you are HONEST. I haven’t been feeling like myself because my depression has gotten me down. I’m learning to step back and regroup. I’m also learning to stop giving energy to the negative bs and focus on the positive. You are a beautiful strong woman and you got this.

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  2. I took many months off from blogging because of some particularly bad situational depression (I wrote about this in a post on my site). Sometimes the energy and inspiration just aren’t there, and I’m learning to be okay with that when it happens. I like the idea of a diary-style post — I look forward to reading more. Thank you for sharing.

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  3. I’m in this strange place where my life is going well…while some terrible things are happening to my friends. It’s like this weird Twilight Zone episode.

    As for blogging, it took me two months for my last post (and it ended up being a miss), so don’t be hard on yourself if you’re not inspired.

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  4. Great insight! It’s amazing when we realize that we actually have the power to feel what ever we choose. We are so use to believing that things just happen to us, that we don’t realize how big a part our beliefs play in what we attract into our lives. I’m looking forward to reading about all the amazing things you’ve manifested for yourself in July!

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