I have been pondering this topic for quite some time now. It’s been getting to me so much recently that I knew I had to blog about it.
“I’m not like other girls”
“Girls are too trashy for me”
“I can’t believe he chose HER over me”
“What has she got that I don’t?”
We hear these sorts of comments and even say them ourselves all the time. Among many other comments that can be anything from comparing ourselves to other women, hating a woman for some logical or illogical reason, envy etc. And I’ll be honest, I think women as a whole have been done wrong with this shit.
It has been programmed into women for years, if not centuries even, that we are supposed to live a certain way and also be competitive with each other.
It’s all around us. If you look hard enough. It’s in most films and tv shows – there’s always some story about women fighting each other for a man (are they even worth it half the time?), a job role, a who wore it better debate… and a lot of songs are about women competing or being ‘better’ than another woman too.
Take the song ‘Don’t cha’ from pussy cat dolls as a prime example. Now there’s no denying that all of us ladies have danced to that song, sang it in the shower, maybe even sent the lyrics to a guy we like. But if we really sit and think about it, that song is a horrible song in general. It is teaching us the completely wrong message. I have to ask why is the woman flaunting herself to a man who is taken and humiliating his girlfriend like that?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to diss the PCD’s here – the song was a hit, but the point I’m making is, this isn’t the only song out there that gives across a woman vs woman message. And it’s not the song writers fault in general, they’re just going with what’s popular. And what has always been popular is: women fighting each other.
I’m going to be honest. I used to be one of those ‘I just don’t get on with girls’ types and to some extent, there are still many women out there who don’t like me or I clash with. I’m not an overly girly girl and I don’t always fit in with certain female social circles. But does it mean I have to be against every other woman who crosses my path? No.
Here’s another thing that’s always pissed me off too: in almost every scenario where a guy has been a player and cheated on his girlfriend, or attempted to cheat with another woman, every single time the girlfriend in the equation completely loses her shit against the other woman and barely the partner. Now I’m going to just put my unpopular opinion here but, whether the other woman knew you were in existence or not… your partner is a thousand per cent the one in the wrong more so than the mistress and should be the one getting all the shit.
I mean, come on, we all have self-control. But one common thing I have come across a lot is the women stay with the man that did the dirty deed and spread loads of hate and negativity to this woman and I’m sorry but just stop it right now girl. Your man is the problem, period. If you can move on from cheating and make things work, that’s amazing, but you need to address the fact that you can’t constantly go out blaming the other woman for your man not keeping his dick in his pants.
We need to change this narrative in our lives that tells us that the woman is always meant to be against the other. Yes, there are fall outs in life and none of us are perfect, but why do we constantly feel this need to be so competitive with other women?.
Women have a lot of strength. More than they realise. But instead of using our strengths and our voices to beat the system that tells women they are not good enough for certain things, we spend too much of our time fighting each other and using up all that energy on fighting with people that we should be supporting.
We can’t stop some people out there who still can’t love themselves and take it out on other women with bitchy comments in the toilets or negative reactions to their success but we can be examples ourselves.
Instead of feeling bitter about another woman who is making something of herself, whether it be in her job, an influencing career, a sex worker etc. Be happy for them. I cannot stress this enough: we are not in competition with each other. You can be happy for other people’s success, it doesn’t mean you won’t get yours too.
Here are just a few little things you can do in support of other women rather than allowing yourselves to be out against each other;
When someone else is slagging off a woman for their own jealous reasons or misfortunes : don’t get involved in it.
Spread love–kindness vibes to other women. I read about this in a recent book I read ‘Warrior Goddess Training’ by Heatherash Amara, and they talk about this meditation where you spread love-kindness vibes to yourself, people you love, and even people you dislike. It’s a really good positive development tool so why not use it towards other women or that person you always have a problem with?
Smile at other people more – you’d be surprised how many women out there are automatically facially prepared for evil looks, a smile can make all the difference to anyone.
If you are with someone and there’s another female around that you’re threatened by – re-evaluate the entire situation before just going against her with your jealousy. Is your partner innocent in all of this? Is it an innocent situation? More importantly, is it just your own insecurities? If it’s the last one, the problem is you hun, and you should address that first and foremost.
Love yourself first and foremost. ❤
Support each other. ❤
If you really can’t find it in yourself to get on with someone for whatever reason, that’s okay, it happens. But you need to be able to move on in a mature manner, accept that you are not meant to be each other’s friend or support unit and leave it at that.
There is no need for any petty behaviour or competitions.
There’s always time to learn and grow from it all.